A sweet friend of mine recently found out that she can bear children. That’s great news, right? And it is, it totally is. We’re giddy happy for her. But to say we’re also stunned, dumbfounded, amazed, including her, is an understatement.
You see, my friend is a transgender woman. Or was.
I say “was” not because she’s not with us anymore. She is. But because a transgender female was what she honestly thought she was. She thought she was a dysphoric male transitioning to her more authentic female form. She’d just had the surgery to remove the gender-dysphoria-making male bits she was born with, had consummated a marriage with, and helped create children with. But in the midst of a somewhat serious complication that necessitated a trans-vaginal ultrasound on her newly surgically constructed vagina, her doctor discovered an intact female reproductive system — including a womb, ovaries, and a cervix.
Let that sink in. Cuz she currently is.
Stop me if you’ve heard this one. “If you have a penis, you’re a male. If you have a vagina, you’re a female. XX means female. XY means male. Don’t get mad at me. It’s not bigotry. It’s genetics. It’s science.”
Now think back to my friend.
You can’t tell me it’s as simple as XX is a girl and XY is a boy. You can’t tell me the presence of male or female genitalia tells us all we ever need to know about someone’s gender. You can’t tell me we know everything about everything and there’s nothing left to discover in this world let alone within our own bodies. My friend, who’d had the shit beaten out of her as a little boy by the one relative she’d trusted enough to confide in that God may have put him in the wrong body, that he should be a girl, and could grandpa please talk to his Mommy and Daddy to help him fix it — this friend, who had been dysphoric and suicidal for years resignedly trying to live life as a male, but since transitioning has bravely and blessedly remained alive and happily married, raising their children together – this friend just found out she’s intersex, has been both male and female all along, and may be perfectly able to conceive and bear a child inside her own body – at 40.
We don’t know what we don’t know, ya’ll. So how about we stop acting like we do and give some more damn grace to one another.
Sure, my friend is rare, documented cases-wise. But how rare? I mean, how many men ever get to have or will ever have a trans-vaginal ultrasound?
The complexities of and within our bodies are amazing. Medical research/scientific research is still being done on what causes someone to be or identify as other than the gender they seem to be born with. Our developing bodies and brains are bathed in hormones and enzymes in utero, and even to some extent afterward, that trigger processes we are still discovering and exploring. What’s happening with my unicorn friend here should at least give us a clue to the complexities that may be involved.
It should remind us that rare is not a reason to dismiss possibility or to dismiss a real person’s humanity. Rare still exists. Rare walks around and has feelings, faith, needs, and rights. No sense in denying that it does and trying to shame or legislate or beat it out of people, deny them entry into bathrooms and changing rooms, deny them membership in our churches, or refuse to perform their weddings. If anything at all, rare should move us to expand our horizons along the planes of love, grace, and acceptance.
“We are gradually coming to understand that gender identity is not necessarily contingent upon ones genitalia, and that those who identify as transgender are not flawed or disordered, but rather experiencing something natural and biologically driven.” — Author, Pastor, and Activist — Brandan Robertson.
To which I say, “Hell yeah, they are.” And my friend is proof.
I’ve said it before. I’ll say it again. There are broader spectrums within God’s creation than some of us are willing to acknowledge, let alone allow. Embrace the rainbow, people. Embrace it. And stop trying to use what little you know or think you understand about science to justify your bigotry. Ask any geneticist, science teacher, transgender, or intersex person. They’ll tell you, “The world is way too weird for that shit.”
Photo Credits:
Gilberto A. Viciedo — Diversity
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/
· Permalink
BrandAn Robertson
· Permalink
Fixed it. Thanks!
· Permalink
Thanks for telling this story. Bodies are complex and a little confusing.
· Permalink
Yes, indeed. Thank you, Leigh. Fearfully and wonderfully made.
· Permalink
I’m also an intersex born, transgender person. I didn’t find out about it until I was 47 because my birth (medical) records were sealed as the result of a closed adoption . Unfortunately, doctors removed the female bits through ‘normalization’ surgery performed on me as an infant.
We’re not as rare as most people think though. 1.7% of the population worldwide is born with an intersex condition. Not all intersex conditions manifest themselves physically though, and many people don’t realize they were born that way until they attempt to start a family and are thoroughly examined. 1.7% by the way, is only .2% less than the number of people born with red hair (1.9%).
– source: http://www.isna.org
· Permalink
You are so right on all counts and you are amazingly brave for sharing. Education is key here. Even more so is the WILLINGNESS to be. It’s the best cure I know of for ignorance and bigotry. Well, education and Jesus. lol Thank you for commenting, Tori, and educating as you do.
· Permalink
I need this info. to help me explain to anyone who doubts. I knew about this phenomenon, because my mother was forward thinking, and taught me long ago. This goes into more detailed, scientific fact.
· Permalink
Terrific article! Thank you for sharing. I hope many people not only read it but give it time to really sink in. Our creation is anything but simple and that doesn’t mean those wonderful gender and sex variances were not purposefully created by God. Sincerely, Cheryl B. Evans (author of What Does God Think: Transgender People and The Bible).
· Permalink
Oh, I hope so too. Thank you, Cheryl B. Evans! I will have to find and read your book.
· Permalink
I’m so glad you found it helpful, Helen. Yes, current medical/scientific thinking, research, and evidence is on our side and, more importantly, on the side of transgender and intersex people and everyone in between.
· Permalink
Hello Laura,
I read your story with great interest, I was assigned male at birth but the entire time my Mother was pregnant with me all indications were that I was to be born female. My very essence is very female but outwardly I appear male. I recently found that they are preforming sexual reassignment surgery for people like me (only doing bottom surgery with out transitioning fully to a female). I have always felt like an outsider because I do not see myself as either sex, I have no connection with my male genitalia on any level. I am taking the steps to become whole and have the surgery. I guess if a label needs to be used, I will be like a female to male transgender person. I will be a male with female genitalia. So yes, the “science” of gender is far broader than just XX or XY. Thank you for your story and I hope it truly does enlighten people that there is far more to us as humans than what we see. In just a few months of being open about myself I have met close to 20 other men just like me.
· Permalink
Very early in pregnancy, hormones and cells form a delicate biological dance that continues through out the gestation. Physiological gender is determined in those early weeks. However there is a continued development of gender by acculturation after birth.
I appreciate the honesty and the courage among transgendered persons to be true to themselves and authentic in their lives. Every human deserves to live a genuine, congruent life!
Thank you for your courage in sharing this experience. I hope that we humans learn to offer one another compassionate and loving encouragement as the first step in being kind to each other.
· Permalink
“this friend just found out she’s intersex, has been both male and female all along”
Should point out that intersex people aren’t both male and female – they are neither male or female. That’s pretty much the point.
· Permalink
Thank you Laura for sharing your friend’s story and also your courageous and compassionate thoughts, that I believe should at least give everyone pause, if not transition a few minds! I was wondering if the documentation of this case was, or is, going to be published anywhere? You are right that she is rare and I would love to read, and share with others, more about her and how this truth came to light.
· Permalink
Thank you, Matthew. Yes, she is feeling a lot like a guinea pig right now. It’s a lot to take in and a lot of pressure for a person whose sincere desire right now is for normalcy. There may be some write ups at some point. But it is all going to need to be her decision and on her time-table. And some of that science may have to wait for a very real human who has every right to as normal a life as she can get.
· Permalink
Good words, Laura….our God does not make junk! His creations (us) are perfect because He formed us and KNEW us well before our conception.
What a miracle for your friend….
· Permalink
Gives new meaning to “My Inner Beyonce”!
· Permalink
Grace
· Permalink
Amen, Dave.
· Permalink
Love this story, and I love when people find their true selves. I’m wondering about her doctors though… for sperm to find their way to a uterus, there has to be a connection from the vagina. When the doctors were constructing the vagina, they had to have known they were leaving an entrance… to a uterus. Very happy for this family, however it got started!